


how are your lungs? 'cause mine are aching

by kontent



Series: Cairo Day 2019 [3]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Cairo Day 2019, Cairo Day 2019 Day 4, Crying, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, Terminal Illnesses, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 08:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18465088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kontent/pseuds/kontent
Summary: Mac is able to hide it for two weeks. Then he chokes on petals halfway through a meeting in the war room, coughing like he’s trying to get rid of his lungs. The flower petals are spilling out of his mouth, fluttering to the ground, dancing through the air. Almost beautiful. Only that they are deadly - because they grow in his lungs, and they will not stop until he chokes on them.





	how are your lungs? 'cause mine are aching

**Author's Note:**

> Day 4 of the Cairo Day 2019 celebrations. The prompt is _Sick Fic_. 
> 
> **Warning** : Graphic Depiction of a Terminal Illness. Hanahaki isn't pretty - it's an illness and it kills. Mac thinks about the progression of the disease and it gets a little gross / gore-y. Please be careful if that's something you're sensitive to.  
> The title is a quote from a song, _would you be so kind_ by dodie. It's one of my favourites.
> 
> To quote [Fanlore](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Hanahaki_Disease):  
>  _ **Hanahaki Disease** (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear._

Mac is able to hide it for two weeks. It’s a lot, considering he works for a super-secret agency with a dozen co-workers trained to spot a secret at a mile away.

He half-expects a surprise physical evaluation that will reveal his terrible secret - instead, he just chokes on petals halfway through a meeting in the war room.

One moment he’s fine, and the next he’s coughing like he’s trying to get rid of his lungs. Maybe he is. He knows that the petals are going to come up his windpipe, but he’ll never get used to the feeling. His coughing sounds horrible - like he’s dying.

Mac presses a hand to his mouth, but there are too many petals. They are already spilling out of his hand, and he knows he’s fucked.

He imagines the flowers they belong to quite pretty - the petals are small, the colour of peaches, and they are fluttering to the ground, dancing through the air. Almost beautiful.

Only that they are deadly - because they grow in his lungs, and they will not stop until he chokes on them.

Once the pressure in his chest subsides, he can breathe again, dragging in ragged breaths. His lungs rattle, and for a second, Mac thinks he can feel the flowers and stems shift inside his lungs.

He calms down - his lungs feel raw and his windpipe hurts, but he’s getting used to that. But now he has to face his friends, his family, and he doesn’t want to.

The war room is silent in the most terrible way possible. It feels like a graveyard, the silence too big, too heavy. And when Mac allows his eyes to flicker up from the ground, he sees Riley with a hand over her mouth. Her eyes are big, round with shock. Jack looks like he’s stuck processing - his mouth opening and closing, denial and panic fighting behind his eyes. Matty looks tired. Her eyes are dark and sad, and Mac realizes she’s not surprised. Maybe she didn’t know - but she knew _something_ was wrong.

A part of him wants to run away. Another part wants to stay because he deserves this - he deserves to be screamed at for his stupidity.

To avoid looking at them, Mac brushes the petals of his hand, letting them fall to the ground, joining its siblings. The careless motion seems to rip everyone out of their trance, causing them to finally react.

Jack demands to know who it is, but Mac would rather drop dead than tell him. (He might. Drop dead, that is. And he should stop making jokes about it.)

With tears in her eyes, Riley asks how long he’s had it. Mac opens his mouth to answer her question, but he’s interrupted by Jack’s next question. “When are you getting them out?”

Mac blinks. Of course. Of course, Jack had to ask this exact question - it’s the only question that can make this conversation so much harder. (Mac knows that this question was bound to come up. But he doesn’t want to answer it - and telling Jack is even worse.)

He swallows, the movement hurting his throat. His mouth tastes like flower petals, a cruel reminder of the reality he’s in. “I’m not having them removed.”

It causes Jack to stop pacing. Matty stops looking at him like she’s trying to figure out who he is in love without him telling her and suddenly looks a lot more desperate than before. Only Riley moves - she stumbles a step back, the weight of his words hitting her. Jack blinks at Mac, his brows furrowed. “What?”

There is suddenly nothing more interesting than the floorboards. “I said I’m not having them removed.”

Because removing them would take away his feelings. But Mac would rather die than stop loving, and it’s almost funny how he now literally has to pick life or love. (It’s not even a question. Not to him.)

So he has made his choice - and that means he will die. Because his love is unrequited, and he doesn’t stand a chance to change that. It’s terribly naive, but there is something sickly poetic about dying from unrequited love.

Jack rips him out of his thoughts when he grabs his shoulders. His eyes are big, his face twisted in fear.

“Mac, no. You can’t be serious.”

Mac’s heart feels like it’s being crushed, the pain and panic in Jack’s eyes sending him a wave of guilt. He doesn’t even try to smile - he knows it would turn into a grimace.

“I can’t, Jack. I can’t have my love taken away.”

Jack looks like he wants to smack Mac over the head, but the sound of Riley sobbing makes them both turn around.

The tears streaming down her cheeks make Mac’s heart feel heavy, like a stone in his chest.

“I’m sorry”, he tries to say, but it comes out broken and raw and twisted. Riley shakes her head and suddenly she’s in his arms, her face pressed against his shoulder. Her fingers dig into his rips and it almost hurts, but maybe he deserves that. After all, he’s leaving them because he’s too stubborn.

Riley sobs into his shirt, her tears hot and wet on his shoulder. It makes Mac want to cry too - he doesn’t want to be responsible for this. His eyes are filling with tears, and for the first time in two weeks, he feels like he truly realizes what the future will look like. He’ll slowly get worse, the flowers in his lungs growing, spreading out. He’ll start coughing up flower buds instead of petals, and when the flowers start to bloom, when they will be covered red with his blood - then he’ll suffocate.

Over Riley’s shoulder, he sees Matty place a hand on Jack’s arm. “You can be mad with him later. Okay?”

Mac watches Jack’s shoulders slump, sees the fight drain from his form. He nods, and when he turns around to look at Mac, the defeat is clear in his posture. It makes the tears spill down Mac’s cheeks - seeing them like this, seeing Jack like this, it already feels like dying.


End file.
